Remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of vaudeville days? Shecky
Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others?
You've probably heard of them before, and don't you miss their humor? And not one single swear word in their comedy.
There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all
night! I finally had to let her out.
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you
comfortable?" The man says, "Well, I make a good living."
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever
finds out, she'll kill me!
What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The
thief spends less than my wife did.
I always hold my wife's hand. If I let go, she shops.
We went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this
time I stayed in the bathroom and cried
Our room had a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. But that was only for the
estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell of
I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still
confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel
hungry.
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came
back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!"
Doctor; "See! What did I tell you."
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought
here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 until payday."
The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?"
The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're
worth it.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.!
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.